In the past two weeks, I guess, recently I feels something change within me. I don’t know how to perceive all those changes into my mind, or my brain. It’s like a slow transformation, starting from the way I dress, the way I style my appearance, the way I talk that ridiculously somehow it sounds like I came from a different era, I talk like a mature person than I used to be. Because of that, I’ve been saying this to myself, “Do you even hear yourself talking?”
Despite that, I keep on seeing a clock ticking exactly 00:00, 13:13, and 23:23, which is weird. The rumor says that is known as a spiritual awakening, but that rumor referring to 11:11 o’clock. I don’t know which is true, but, I remember an old saying that when you turn to 21-year-old, it’s your turning point in life. Either you go straight to good or bad, it will be the beginning of the age when you choose who you will become in the future, and that old phrase saying, there is no turning back after that. If you fail, you fall, if you do better, you raise. That’s what matter. The decision is acutely important in that age. My mom also gave me a reference about some of turning point in each of human’s age. There are, 7, 21, 40, 50, and etcetera. (Sorry, I don’t pretty much remember the details my mom have said). Each age will determine your decision, whether it may be wise or not. In the age of 50, she said, it will be the last level of turning point in human’s age about their spiritual journey. If they choose to be a bad person, that might be the last, usually they don’t change mind a lot.
After I realized that turning point, I am 20-year-old now, just about a week from now, I’ll be 21, oh yes, welcome to a young adult’s life. In this process, last month was September, I depicted myself as a bookworm, so I chose to read “Hush Hush” by Becca Fitzpatrick. I already read it properly, because back in 2009, I hated so much that I thought it was Twilight’s doppelganger, but it isn’t, I was totally wrong in that stupid mindset. At first, I thought things didn’t make sense in that story, how could an angel become human, and human is angel? The author called it as Nephilim. Things started to make sense when I put my interest in an Arabian translated non-fiction book “Misteri Potensi Gaib Manusia” by Professor Achmad Sauqi. I was reading both books during the same period. I found myself a huge astonishment, in that non-fiction said that human is consist of spirit, soul, mind, and body. Without all those aspects, if its only left the body, then it can’t be called as human. One thing that makes my mind have a sense in the knowledge of Nephilim, and things about the forbidden book called the Book of Enoch might be true, because in that non-fiction book gave a statement about, long ago even before Allah SWT created Adam and Hawa, the spirit of Prophet Muhammad was made purely (Nur Nabi Muhammad SAW), and before this all life we have in here.
All the books I’ve read in this year of 2015, seems to drag my attention into anything about spiritual and metaphysic. I don’t know why there’s a big amount of euphoria in my heart to learn about finding God, like finding yourself identity, it is your soul, and spirit. I mean, come on, people in my age won’t even bother to learn about those all. The question I have in my mind now, what is wrong with me? It’s not that kind of bad meaning, but in a good way, but somehow feels odd. Because I am not yet decode the answer of that. I wish I could know sooner. Amen.